Ashley Coleman's blog

I'm sure many of you have read and/or heard of the passing of Heath Ledger. In reading articles here and there, I have gotten wind that Fred Phelps of the ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Westboro Baptist Church and his congregation plan on picketing at the funeral. "WTF?" I thought when I heard this news. I looked deeper into the subject because I just had to know the reason. The church (WBC) is picketing because of the role Ledger played in Brokeback Mountain. Phelps claims that Ledger is a "fag-enabler". Well, isn't that nice?

I pondered (yes, I pondered) why this Phelps guy seemed so familiar to me. Then it dawned on me! This is the same whack job that was protesting at funerals of fallen service members. I had to go Google crazy on my pc. I had to find out exactly what sort of sicko does this sort of stuff and is able to get people to actually FOLLOW him.

You expect tattle-tailing and childishness from children. Even when children act that way it's irritating. But when you have adults acting that way, it's just out right retarded. It is really pisses me off. I mean, how old are you?

I'm the sort of person that doesn't like to start shit. If an issue comes out that I can reslove like a MATURE adult, then that is how I will resolve it.

I know I'm going to hear shit about writing this but I don't care. Some people need to just grow up!

I have a neighbor who we'll call Mary (for the sake of not confusing everyone) that seems to want to stick her nose in everyone's business and it just isn't right. Who the hell cares if the neighbor down the street who we'll call Cher has a man at her house? Maybe Cher IS cheating on her husband but since when is that any of our business? Maybe Cher's neighbor Jane is too.

Lately, I've been thinking alot about people...people in general but mainly the people in my life. I think I have made it to a realization that everybody has a defect but through all of those defects there are these strengths that lie within each of them. I think for too long I have focused so much on the negative of everyone around me that I have lost sight of all that is positive.

There is something growing inside of me. No! I am not pregnant. However, in a metaphorical sense I am. It's like another version of me is growing. Think of it as Ashley 2.0. It's about time for an upgrade, people. Twenty-six years with same software is just beyond ridiculous.

For some reason lately, my son has been obsessed with Hollywood. Last week he told me he wanted to go there for our next vacation. When I asked him why, he said because that's where all the cool people hang out. Oooookaaaaay!

A few days ago he came out of his room with his sunglasses on and he was dressed like he was going to take pictures (at least!). He had on tan slacks and white tee with a plaid button up shirt over it. He EVEN put gel in his hair.

When I had told him to get dressed that morning, he walked into his room wearing his Batman PJs looking like a 6 year old should. He came out looking like he was puked out of GAP commerical. What the hell?!?!?!

I probaly shouldn't complain. My daughter has decided she is ready to do the toilet thing. She doesn't want anyone's help. She wants to just get in there and do her thing. Good news, right? {insert manical laughing here}

She hasn't yet grasped the concept of how much toilet paper is too much. I just changed the DOUBLE roll of Cottenelle with Aloe Vera today. About an hour ago, I spent a good twenty minutes in the bathroom (which I just cleaned this morning) fishing out toilet paper with a plunger and my hands (rubber gloved, of course). My daughter tried to flush the whole roll down the toilet. Let me rephrase that. She unrolled the whole thing and tried to flush it all down the john.

While checking my emails this morning I opened an email from my mom. I was disappointed in what I read. Here is what she sent me:

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban will cut off America's supply of conveinience store managers. And if this action does not yield sufficent results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell customer service reps.

In order for you to understand why this was so disappointing for me (besides the obvious of it being a racist jab at the arabic nation) you would first have to understand my mother.

I have been impeached!

Just kidding...

All this time I've been vice mayor of the community only to find out a few days ago from the mayor herself that I'm not (and never was) her vice mayor. I'm only a volunteer. She has asked someone else to be her vice mayor.

What?!?!?!? You may be asking yourself. I sure as hell have asked myself just that quite a few times.

Here's the dealy-o:

1. The mayor needs someone she can push around...that ain't me!

2. The mayor and the community mananger do not click and lately I've been the go-between. The mayor is not happy about me helping out the community manager.

Nobody laugh...

Did you know that there is actually a website dedicated solely to the (enevitable) divorce of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline?

How did I discover this tidbit of useless information you might ask?

Well, I was reading one of those celebrity magazines that I seem to have a fixation for. It was probably Star or US. Anyway, there was an article about Mr. and Mrs. Spears (big surprise!). Towards the end it said there was actually a online petition you can sign for Britney to divorce K-Fed.

For anyone who knows my nosey ass, you KNOW I went to check it out. The site has a contest going on where you can guess the divorce date. You can win all kinds of trailer trash prizes like a Buick hubcap and even a wife beater complete with sweat stains. There is even a section where merchandise is sold promoting a divorce.

Okay. Awhile back I said I had more to say about my trip to Louisiana. Well here goes...

When we go to visit, we have long since limited our trips to no more than a week and a half. Even then that is pushing it. Our families complain that our vivits are never long enough.

At first everything is hunky-dory. Towards the end we remember why we wanted to move away so bad in the first place.

Nick was always very adement that he didn't want to raise our children too close to his grandparents...his grandma in particular. Don't jump to conclusions. Nick adores his "Maw-Maw".

The problem is Maw-Maw takes the spoiling of the grandchildren to a whole other level.

We just got back from NOLA yesterday evening. While we were gone we let the mother-in-law stay at our house so she could check our mail and feed Duece. When we originally told her we were leaving she got all worked up because the majority of her mail comes to our house. She was worried that she wouldn't get some check she was waiting on. Nick suggested she just stay at our house so she could get the mail everyday AND in the meantime feed the dog.

Before we left, we took her to Wal-Mart so she could get herself some groceries for the week and half we would be gone. I distinctly remember unpacking and putting away her groceries for her thinking, "I guess she only plans on eating pork chops and sandwiches while we are gone." all because her only meats were a pack of pork chops and a pack of liver cheese lunch meat.