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Have you ever sat amongst people and looked around at them and wondered, "What the fuck am I doing here?" And no, I'm not talking about church either. I'm talking about the PTA.

Today was the first PTA board meeting for the 2006-2007 school year prior to summer break. Now bear with me.

I sat at the conference table (which was merely children desks pushed together) and glanced around at the ladies present. For the most part, they were all these power house soccer moms. The majority of them looked like they spent at least an hour getting ready this morning, dressed nicely, makeup done, nails neatly manicured.

Seriously! Messy rooms really do cause child abuse. It's a fact.

Everytime I look into my children's room I want to beat them. I really do.

Somebody help me! No, actaually, somebody help my children.

The End

Ok. The following is crude but hey, this is my blog and I can say what I want to. You have been warned so don't get upset if I offend you.

Anyway, let me start...

This morning my husband took one of his lovely trips to the bathroom. Book in hand, I could tell immediately that it was to be no in and out venture. As the time past by, I waited patiently for my turn. It finally came. He exited and I waited a few more minutes to let the place air out.

I walked in and walked right back out. The wall heater was on and for minute I thought the scent of defication was actually seething my face. The aroma really bothered me. Yes, it did smell horrible but that's not what I'm talking about.

Wow! I have been in such a shitty mood. Ever since I got up yesterday morning and read the emails from a friend of mine pretaining to his relationship, I've been really cranky. The emails just keep coming too. Not only email addressed to me but also the ones he is sending to his mate and to his ex wife and his friends. I don't understand why this has to go on and on.

Orginally, he approached me about something I said to his girlfriend. I told her I wouldn't put up with the way he was acting and I'd leave his ass. He dropped me a line about not being a true friend. I feel that the only reason he sent me the email in the first place was because I wasn't "on his side".

I swear I am so ready to yank my hair out of my head it isn't even funny! Now the evil wicked mother-in-law is NOT leaving. She has changed her mind.

Fickle people drive me nuts. I know there are some descions that are tough and albeit this is one of them. To move or not move, that is the question!

As horrible as this sounds, I think my aggravation comes from the fact that I was at peace with her going away and now she's NOT!

Oh, NO! Now she thinks we are U-Haul.

We are planning to have my son and daughter's birthday party at the end of May when we come to Louisiana to visit. So on the way back we are already going to have more stuff then we arrived with because we will have gifts to lug back. Well, monster-in-law thinks that she's going to pay for a hitch and a trailer so that we can bring to her all of the shit she left behind in Louisiana.

Update on the mother-in-law situation:

So!! My mother-in-law moved into her place yesterday. What a fiasco! Nick went to help her move from the hotel room into her furnished apartment and then he was going to drop her off at Wal-Mart and she would catch a cab back. Basically, he was her taxi.

They get to the apartment complex and walk up the stairs to her new apartment with all of her luggage. The first thing Nick notices is dried blood on the concrete floor of the balcony in front of the neighbors front door. Lovely!

Nick's mom gets out the key and puts it in the lock. It won't work. Of course, Nick says to let him try. He tries. It doesn't work. Nick says lets call the rental company and find out what's going on. He calls and leaves a message for the "mythical Greg creature" (as Nick refers to him). He is the fellow that showed her the apartment and handed her the key. Nick ends up leaving a message.

I am letting you know right now. This is me bitching. That is all.

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Kids can be so damn cute BUT they can also be the freaking devil in disguise!!!

Every Saturday morning, I make my kids pick up their room. Every Saturday, what should take less than thirty minutes ends up taken hours!!

My kids are five and two. I don't expect them to make the room immaculate but I do expect them to pick up the toys that are on the floor and put them where they belong. Then, I go in there and dust and make the beds and sweep and mop etc etc. As for the toys, my husband and I both feel like it is not our responsibility to clean up their shit.

Something tells me this isn't going to turn out good. I've got that disgusting feeling in my stomach. If you haven't guessed it, this is an update on the mother-in-law fiasco that has been taking place WAY too close to home for my liking.

She called me today to tell me that she decided HUD was taking too long. So, she went out and found an apartment on her own. "Rent is not that expensive," she says, "only $350 a month." She moves in tomorrow.

I'm happy she has found a place. The problem is she has no job. I don't think she has any plans to get one either. She gets an SSI check. How much can that possibly be? Other than that, I don't think she has any other income.

Ahh 6/6/6, why did you not bring the rapture like they said you would?! Actually I'm relieved that nothing big did happen, I imagine there were a few crazies out there that were so convinced something cataclysmic would happen that they did some stupid pre-apocalyptic only a couple days to live thing. What a letdown for them.

I woke to the sound of the doorbell. Thinking UPS had come bearing packages, I quickly ran for the door. One must be as fast as possible to catch the UPS delivery person as they give up very quickly these days if they try at all. So I ran and opened the door as fast as I could. Instead of the man or woman in brown, I'm greeted by two teenage boys in the traditional door to door Mormon garb. Somehow the first thing that went through my head was how I looked like I had just rolled out of bed and thrown on a pair of shorts, which made sense, as that is what happened.

Even though they needed no introduction, I let them tell me how they were from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints and how they wanted to share the book of Mormon with me, etc. I wasn't really in the mood to do anything too witty, so I simply told them I was Atheist and uninterested. That got a bit of a startled look in their eyes, but they said ok, and gave me some card with a Mormon website address on it. Oh how tempting it was to tell them that I ran this website and give them my own little card with an address on it. :-) Instead I told them to have a nice day and said goodbye.

I know many of you (at least I know my friends) are thinking that I would lash out at people like this and spout out phrases like "soul soliciting pig-fuckers." But in reality I've learned that I'm not quite as evil as some think I am. Did that phrase cross my mind? Sure. Did I want to re-enact a scene or two from Orgazmo? Of course. But the reality of the situation is that these were just a couple 17-20 year old boys doing what they were told was right. I wasn't going to show too much ill will at a couple of kids who thought they were trying to save my soul. It's the thought that counts right? If they hadn't been only around 18-20 years old, I might have been a little more angry.

So I was looking forward to the whole rapture thing on 6-6-06, mostly because I need some new clothes, and perhaps wallets, maybe a new car... Needless to say, I was completely disappointed. I was hoping that the dead would rise from their graves, and I was hoping that the whole damien omen thing would have been worthwhile... Nothing. Nothing at all happened of any major significance. The closest thing to evil appearing was Ann Coulter released a new book.

Anyways, I spent the day randomly checking news sites to see if chaos was anywhere and it had me thinking, and I started fantasizing about the rapture and all of the looting I would do should it ever happen, and just think, I wouldn't have any Christian fundamentalists bitching at me when I did it.